I hear this question pretty often from women looking for their partner:
Do you think it’s okay if I take a break from online dating? (Or, from dating, in general).
Today I want to explore this for you because it’s not a simple Yes or No answer.
Let’s zoom out on this question because it calls forth a bigger issue in typical Western culture.
Americans (as well as many in the U.K. and Australia) are pressured to always be on.
A big aspect of this push is from our technological advances.
You can shop for the perfect cowl neck sweater from under your covers at 3am.
You can “date” by looking through Tinder pictures while getting your haircut.
You can respond to work emails while you’re between sets of squats at the gym.
But… should you?
I don’t love “shoulds”, but let’s look at the rest of Nature to get some clues.
We humans are part of the natural world even though we often forget it.
I believe in our continual connection to nature and that when we disconnect from our natural rhythms, we get all sorts of negative results.
Nature functions in seasons.
Flowers bud, bloom, and recede.
Trees lose their leaves.
Tides rise and fall.
There is no lack of beauty, meaning, or worthiness in any of these stages.
But, Western culture pretends that value is only found in constant summertime at noon.
We should always be awake, producing, promoting.
This is against our nature.
So. Should you take a break from online dating (or dating, in general)?
I believe, Yes, if it feels like you need a bit of a winter in your romantic life.
Perhaps you feel burned out, dried up, raw, hot and bothered.
You’ve been pushing yourself to be in constant summer, and that can take its toll.
So, yes, take a break. But, make it an active break.
There’s plenty happening in fall and winter. Leaves are shed. Resources are conserved and rebuilt. Precipitation builds up in rain and snow.
It’s time to choose some ways to replenish yourself.
Make time for journaling. Make time for meditation. Get better connected to your spiritual life.
Meet up with girlfriends. Create a workout routine you can stick with.
Hire a therapist, counselor, or coach. Read and read helpful books and blogs.
Clear out the dried up blossoms and leaves of your mind that no longer serve you.
If you give this time, you’ll be feeling renewed, wiser, and stronger than ever.
Now… let’s talk about when I don’t think a break would be beneficial.
Have you been hiding in winter for a while?
Have you been avoiding sending messages, setting up dates, going out with friends, going out alone?
In short… have you honestly been trying to meet someone?
I don’t mean once in a while making eye contact.
I mean, have you been vulnerable and honest with yourself that finding your partner is a top priority?
And have you been taking actions to get that priority met?
If not, then it’s not time for a break.
A break will only pile more snow and fear around you.
It’s time to start making some action. To let Springtime unfold in your life.
Personal Note: You may have noticed that it’s been a while since I posted.
The truth is that I was all summer-ed out. I didn’t know what else to say. This coincided with an amazing whirlwind trip throughout Europe and the U.S. and ended with me moving across the country (from San Diego to the Atlanta area).
If you want more details on how that all unfolded, just comment below or drop me a line at [email protected] I’m happy to share.
In the meantime, I can feel that Springtime is coming and there’s more here.
My goal is to contribute to lifting you up and helping you reach your dreams in life and love.
Thanks for reading and letting me share and connect with you.
As always, I love hearing your thoughts, comments, and questions, so please share below.